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eva green is a native french speaker???
#aw shit. man. like. ah fuck#guess who discovered the french les trois mousquetaires adaptation from 2023 is on hoopla 😏#and am now watching it because someone in the tag said milady gets a different ending and i want to know what it isssss#i might hate it though so don't get excited. but eva green is in it...playing milady...AND SPEAKING FRENCH????#dear lord my body was already ready#how much more ready can it possibly be#me @ me: eva green isn't gonna fuck you#eva green#les trois mousquetaires#my posts#there's also a dubbed version and since eva green is also a fluent english speaker i assume she dubs herself?#but i'm watching with the original french audio because you know what has been so annoying lately.#i've actually been looking for french movies/shows to improve my oral comprehension but it's so hard to find them????#they've all be dubbed into english???? that defeats the purpose guys 😩#what's funny though is even the version with the original french audio on hoopla still caters toward an english-speaking audience#they've replaced all the onscreen text with english. the only subtitles are in english#but it's better than all english so i'll take it i guess
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Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.
#simon says#to explain here and not in a reblog:#sometimes when you try to explain big picture solutions you're gonna sound dumb#you might not have done enough research#you might not have a rebuttal to a counter argument#you might not be articulate enough to explain why you think this#sometimes you gotta take a step back and give the simple solution. the one man solution#you do what you can to fight against the problem#you talk to people to help spread awareness and how to fight the bad problem#and you vote and invite others to vote for bigger steps towards solving the problem#like you can talk about theory and how you believe we need to do a huge drastic thing to solve and issue#but people will disagree and argue til you're blue in the face#they'll poke and prod until you mess up or lose your temper and use it against you#and you'll feel dumb and they'll learn nothing#sometimes the best thing to do is step away from the big picture and just say 'idk what the solution is I just know the things I can do“#sometimes you gotta admit you're not a scientist/expert and you can't answer that#i used this while talking with my Dad tonight#he brought up our climate crisis and space travel as a possible solution#and I said I think that's just addressing the symptom and not the cause and we need to care for our Earth now#and he asked me what solutions I think would fix it#and knowing my incredibly smart Dad who is articulate and ready to throw rebuttles at a moments notice to play devils advocate#and my past experience in struggling in this topic with him before#i just told him I didn't know. all i knew is the little things I can and do do to help#and that hopefully by spreading the word and habits and encouraging others to vote for those bigger solutions I could help make a change#but all I really could do is the little things I have control over#and the topic became much less stressful about the little things we have control over#like planting native plants and recycling and adopting habits that are healthier to our planet#which was 100% more preferable to if I tried to give a big solution. because I would reveal i didn't have all the knowledge needed to argue#and my articulation would make me sound like a stupid kid who only thinks they know what's best#so yeah I basically suggest that if you dont wanna feel like shit after debating someone just step away from the big picture for a moment
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i think human nature/family of blood is a really good two parter in how it manages to show how full of shit ten is 🫶
#look . i LOVE ten . esp whatevers going on w him in s3 he's horrible and i like that#but just !! martha :(#its so incredibly unfair to martha he doesnt unleash his wrath on the Family he chooses to hide instead and okay yeah fair#and sure u can say the tardis chose the setting and time period for them to hide in but like#did that not filter in to his calculations he went through all that turned himself human put his friendship with martha to the test in#the worst way possible. knowing she wouldn't let herself leave him even if he was Abhorrent towards her (and he was) because#of her duty to the universe and beyond and whatever . to blend in and keep the Family off their tails#and she's put in a demeaning position and degraded and even he doesn't seem to care much for her but she still hangs on#and then in the end its like its all for naught. all that pain and suffering martha went through being the only one w her wits about her#he had the capacity to deal w the threat the whole time he had the ability to dole out a horrible punishment he could definitely#have dealt with them a different way than that too .#and instead in his quest to be the bigger person he ends up putting martha through the horrors and then#does the same with the Family anyway ! i dont think he can ever tell her how harshly he dealt with them#surely this isnt an original thought im just thinking Way too much about blue moon by niki#he Does care more about being good than being good to her specifically !! and its so upsetting theyre so volatile i miss them#its more complicated than that sure but at the same time. it sort of isnt .#anyway martha jones my love my life u deserved at least a billion apologies alongside the thanks like god . whats wrong w him#oh and also he wants to move on without properly talking about it . act as if it never happened#like girl be fucking considerate for ONCE she just went through a personal hell for you !!! how insanely lonely she must of been#i dont believe martha ever let him just brush past it w no acknowledgement like yes i think she definitely didnt want to discuss the#accidental confession but i Do think she would sit him down to finally get him to Accept he cant just take her wherever in the past#if he's not ready to look out for her . its a vital conversation i think they need to have otherwise martha would just walk out there#not even love could make her stay through that its been established already she has the strength to try walk away#and also to try and but through his bullshit and demand answers . and here more than ever she deserves his acknowledgement and he Knows it
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okay so that's 24 prompts done, which is all the non-anon ones and the emoji anon ones, and that's just because my brain needed to organize this somehow or else i would have been overwhelmed and not done anything at all. which leaves about 28 more to do 👍 we got this folks
#i will finish this. i will.#and then. hey guys maybe whump prompts. uhm. sunday after this one. because oh my god askdlajlsdkjald#that gives me time to recuperate work on my own projects and then jump back into the swing of things ready to write. however many more i ge#next time. also possibly gives me time to set a stricter word limit. or maybe sentence limit? i did a sentence limit on the v first one#of about 5 sentences. which isn't a lot but it's fun to see how much i can fit in that. maybe bump that up to 10 sentences?#im just spitballing here. its that or im setting a serious limit to 300 words and no more because i Keep going longer than i intend to#and i love it i do but if i want to finish all of these i Can't Be Doing That
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You know, I have decided to go through a route with Impa that does humanize her, and I know why I did that and I like that I did that, but honestly there's absolutely room to interpret her as a Majora-grade villain, and that would both make sense, be terrifying, and be very interesting to unpack too
#thoughts#impa#oot#(I said oot but it would encompass every single one of her reincarnations)#I latched on the unquestioned servant angle because that is both how we are supposed to see her and also that it's normal and evident#which I wanted to challenge a bit#but#there's also the possibility that she lets herself exist as a tool#but has much more power over the course of things that we can even imagine#ready to sacrifice anyone and anything to make sure the Legend Keeps Occuring#she could be interpreted as the will of gods in a human shape#always there and always putting the pieces exactly where they belong#and that is also a super cool intepretation of her#I like Impa dead inside but Impa as the secret pin holding the cosmic horror show together is also incredibly compelling to me#(which she always is at least a little but I feel like there's levels of cognition and agency in that)#(and depending on how much agency she have she can either be pretty tragic or a full blown eldtritch horror)#(and both are fun honestly)
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It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much
#this mouse has had her depression intensified again#time to read her journal and remember all the good things she cares about#time to work on moving on from the bad#I need to decide how much time being lonely and hurt I'm going to allow myself#compartmentalisation right#I can take all of this and deal with it later when there's more distance from it#I should also write myself a letter#it's always good to write myself a letter#I think I wanna cry in the shower first though#I was told not to bomb a bridge by someone with a lit stick of dynamite in her hand#standing next to an already bombed bridge#I played my part in stuff but not everything's my fault#and I think I'm gonna go cry about how it feels like that's being ignore for the sake of hating me and proving me wrong#then I'll pack all of this into a box and put it on a shelf in my mind and come back to it when somebody is ready to approach it with me#because I can't keep having this cycle alone#I can't keep listening to all the things I've been made to feel#I can't keep having imaginary conversations and wishing for magical fixes and apologies that might not ever come#god what a shit show#it's wild how fast everything can spiral out of control#and how much you can lose when it happens#I'll find another home some day#I have to believe that and keep moving forward#I'll find family that can be more patient with me and more accepting of their own flaws#I'll find a family that won't hurt me when they see me in a bad spot#i have to#please#i have to believe it's possible#and i really really really want to believe that can be my current family after weve had some time#but i feel so so scared that it cant#so lets shower and then box it up and then we can see what happens in a month I guess
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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Enjoying my new method of drawing practice called Finding Cool Art & Drawing It Shitty
#how does it work? Well its exactly what it sounds like#find art. save it. when you're ready to practice‚ draw it badly#Not like. Drawing it as badly as possible#you do *try* to draw what you're lookin at but not Very Hard#going into it with the expectation that if it ain't looking quite right you're just gonna move right along#just Not Giving it That Much Effort#110%? No no no. More like 75%... maybe 50%#Its great cause I'm still practicing but not nearly as stressful as Trying To Get It As Closr As I Can#Im still going to improve if i keep doing it because im training myself to see the shapes n stuff#i mean even if nothing else itll help me not be so focused on small issues lmao#anyways yeah#Practice Badly 👍
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(okay the crotch sashiko post is making me a little insane bc like. huge love and respect for visible mending but i gotta say i would Not personally wear a pair of pants out in public ft. a swathe of bright yellow Xs drawing onlookers' attention to my groin unless i really and truly had no other option????)
#like maybe some ppl DO feel totally unfazed by that prospect‚ and more power to you if that's you#but it just seems like there's a wide range of possible approaches btwn 'do a bright yellow crotch repair' and 'buy brand new pants'?#and suggesting that ppl‚ say‚ thrift a replacement pair instead of buying brand new ones#or alternatively buy from companies who are working to reduce how much water it takes to produce their denim#(and hang onto the old denim to use for patching future rips in less sensitive areas)#seems like it might be a more plausible approach#for ppl who are trying to mitigate their environmental impact but also‚ you know‚ exist in the ordinary social world#(i mean clearly the BEST approach = 'be tumblr user fourpatch & deploy yr astonishing textile wizardry to produce genuinely subtle mends')#(but like. we cannot all be 4p‚ alas)#anyway. hashtag normieposting i realize#but it just seems 2 me like. probably there are ppl out there who would like to be less wasteful but aren't ready to become full-on hippies#and like probably it would be more useful to present those people with paths that feel possible for them#than to be like 'actually you can totally become a full-on hippie‚ it's great and i recommend it!!'#like. true! but. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯
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Just had some of the best cracks in my body
#now im ready to go to sleep#tbh my chiropractor and kine really were like: okay you have chronic pain and problems but we gonna give you the best tips to#to relax your muscles and body when Its possible#and for real i sleep so much better since doing them#like my body can finally relax a bit#like ofc Not so much but more and more#and i helps with breathing stress and other thigns#so yeah tbh going to them changed my life#like now im at least once in a week Not so much in pain#and do i know how i relax my body#for reall i don’t get why Not every person in stress does this?#bcs your body suffers but like at least we can (try to) heal it hen thuis#chronic pain#actually autistic#asd#autistic#actually autism#autistic things#hyperflexible
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Not me crying because I had a really bad beginning of 2023 and signed up for a program that would proceed to make the rest of my 2023 rough and I spent the whole first three months of 2023 trying to pick myself up and motivate myself like "I'm gonna make it through this year if it kills me" and well look at that I made it
#timeline for anyone not in the loop:#Late 2022: Moved a thousand miles from home to Oregon for a new job. I love LOVE the area.#new job gives me very nice salary so I get myself a nice apartment all to myself#January 2023: Company I moved for decides to close Oregon location. Offers me choice to relocate again to CA this time#*panic because I can't afford my apartment without that salary and I'm still on a lease for 7 more months. Also I love Oregon so much*#*continue to panic because there are no other companies nearby doing that same type of niche work so I'd be giving up my career if i stay*#February: Ultimately decide to stay in OR and figure it out. Look into my options#March: Sign up for an accelerated program to learn software engineering#Interview for it and get accepted. Take out loan to pay rent so I can stay in apartment where I'm settled and comfortable and can focus#My last day at my old company comes and I am officially unemployed#April: Start the program. Most bootcamps are 3 months. This one is 7-8 months. Up to 11ish if you struggle and need to repeat some sections#It's like 70-80 hours a week of commitment to both classes and homework#Mentally prepare myself for the rest of 2023 to be hell and possibly early 2024#Still no idea how well I'll pick up software engineering so I might struggle and take up to 11 months#May through November: thankfully it turns out I'm really good at picking up the logic. I successfully complete in 7 months#December: My brain shuts down for a bit to rest and recover. Still unemployed but feeling optimistic and ready to hit the job hunt#Bring it on 2024. Bring it on#mine#memories
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I kinda feel like I've just hard erased any happiness or elation I had from being done with school all just so I wouldnt get asked a stupid question anymore I hate this I hate this
#gamer txt.#not once have i actually fucking wanted to go to college this was just the only way to make ppl stop asking me about jobs#but im realising now that was a stupid decision and i hate that i made it i hate tgat i had the chance to back out and didnt#the only thing that made school worth it before was my friends that was the only time id get to see them#now im going back to school completely without them like a fucking idiot#i know college is different from highschool i get that and i do want to learn fab weld but fuck me this was dumb#i know damn well im not going to make any new friends during this course im more terrified of people than ive ever been#and i stick out from my class like a sore thumb#whats worse is my nervousness from this has started fucking with my appetite and hunger and that is the worst possible thing it could do#that is like the number one way to break me#im already in such a vulnerable state i do not need constant fucking reminders of trauma i cant fucking escape#and im meant to just be normal and be a person and go to class on monday?#im this close 👌 to just dogging it. im pretty sure ill be getting the train in like i could full well just fuck off and leave#its not like they have my mums number she wouldnt know any different from what i told her#can i not just stay in the purgatory of being a teen old enough to be done with school but young enough to not have a job forever ?#please? im not ready for this im not i couldnt be less ready for this why did i let myself succumb to this pressure? i hate it#g-d i havent cried in. months now. this feels so. this is too much this is way too much fot me i cant do this#i dont know how i thought i could when the hell have i ever been able to do something like this on my own#theres nothing to me on my own i dont have any confidence i dont have any strength i need my friends for that and i dont have them
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when places have "sensory hours" or whatever they call their sensory friendly times, but it's always at the most inconvenient times possible. they always do them at the times people are least likely to be at/want to go. it's either way too early in the mornings or in the middle of work time, and it seems to always in the middle of the week and never weekends. they never care if they inconvenience disabled people. but how dare they ever inconvenience the ableds and take away their time! 🙄
#sensory sensitivity#disability#idk what to tag this exactly#basically this is me complaining about the zoo doinf their Christmas lights thing and only havine ONE SINGLE SENSORY FRIENDLY NIGHT#on a wednesday. during my work hours. and it was back in November before thanksgiving even happened#i want to take my autistic ass there with my autistic disabled friend but we have to he crowded out by people and noise instead#if i wasnt afraid to break the brand new wheelchair i bought my friend for Christmas or hurt her id run everyone over with it dbdhdsjsk#kidding. but i know thats how ill feel with the sensory overload and crowding becuase they cant give us more and/or convenient sensory days#lee rants#also the sensory night was more than a month before my friend even visits so.....🧍♀️#IMO there should be at least one per week. at least one weekend. give us rhe bare minimum please 😭#everyone rather go closer to Christmas but they made sensory night in the middle of November when no one is ready for Christmas yet#inconvenient for us and out of the way do the ableds arent inconvenienced. i hate it here#ok i looked it up again. the light show didnt even start for the public until the 17th. sensory night was 14th. they really said#you disableds get get pushed as far away from this as possible#i mean i appreciate that they even do it at least. but they can do better. much better!!!!
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LOVE ME THE MOST THE MOST YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!!!!! LOVE ME THE MOST I NEED TO BE THE ONLY THING IN YOUR MIND
#mine#🎸#vibrating at immense speeds rn ajskwkfllflwncf the MOST THE MOST ever#the only thing in your mind i need to be the BEST the most loved augh im not doing anything wrong but its still not ENOUGH#why cant i be satisfied. but at the same time LOVE ME MORE AND MORE AND MORE UNTIL LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE EXISTS#i need to add more fuel to the fire of our love but i dont know what to do exactly... clearly mentioning the issue didnt work#idk i literally want him to kill me or something i need to be consumed by love. ah all of our mutual friends are quickly going to#learn how fucking mentally ill i can get. im not ready for them to but if hes telling them these things then theyre gonna KNOW#love me more more more i thought you used to be scared of how much you loved me. obsess over me again!!!!!!#if im not the one doing anything wrong what is the problem. what is preventing you from loving me the most you possibly can!!!#if its something with me I'll just kill that part of me. ugh he wouldnt want me partaking in unhealthy thoughts like this#so what is there to do? i need to drown in the grain silo of love. there isnt enough to drown in rn though... i cant just#make him love me more. an evil oriented solution would be to make everyone hate him so he just loves me but thats a horrible thing to do#and id feel bad about it forever. so im not gonna do THAT i want him to be happy. but even when hes happy he isnt loving me intensely#i need to be desired i need to be ripped open like a phone book –_–#everyone is learning how insane abt him i am and its kind of embarrassing. well my feelings i guess. it is embarrassing to have feelings#if this whole situation was an asmr youd be listening to it willingly. but its NOT arent you supposed to like me like this#im overthinking this hes probably just depressed which is making it difficult to be insane
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it just occurred to me to wonder... how much of how shitty i've felt this past week and a half is being compounded by having to fuck with my adderall dosing to tide me until i can see my doctor and get a refill.
i've been staggering taking a leftover xr one day, skipping a day, then taking a higher dose of the ir, and so on. it's enough that i'm not crashing but... my dopamine is probably all over the place right now. and i gotta say. talking shit to myself feels almost rewarding.
#i'm just so mad at myself for not somehow... doing more? as if i wasn't doing my fucking best???#as if i literally didn't start packing before i even got a place??#last week i felt so prepared and like i really had most of it done#but now that we're in the last 48hrs before the movers come i'm just.... it feels like nothing is even remotely ready#i look around and there's just so much that needs to get thrown in a box#if i push through and don't take any breaks or get any rest i can probably do it but.... i just dont want saturday to be frantic#and i'm really struggling with prioritizing how to use this little time i have left#bc i really wanna get over to the new place and give everything a wipe down/vacuum run before my stuff comes#it's probably gonna have to be early saturday... provided i can get everything done after work tomorrow#i kinda wish i had taken tomorrow off#but it's too late now#okay i'm going to force myself to eat now even though my brain is screaming at me for it#less so now that i wrote this (bc realizing it might be my meds and not *me* made me feel a teeny bit better)#and just... i think i really need to make peace with that what's gonna happen will happen#i'll do my best like i've been doing since i started packing#my best is fuvking garbage but it's all i've got to give#and it's gonna be as done as it can possibly get come 10am saturday#*sigh*#personal
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one thing ive noticed about the way i use tumblr is i don't reblog posts based on whether i think they're "correct" or not. im not combing through every word and tallying up how many unlearned biases the op is displaying. i reblog posts that are emotionally raw. i reblog people who are venting and hurting and being genuine, even if it's messy or unfair in some ways. posts i reblog aren't a moral value, and they aren't teaching materials. im finding moments of community where someone was frustrated or hurt and then dared to be vulnerable and raw. i just find that i value these posts. people's experiences matter, even if their emotions about the experience reveal where they are in their journey. idk it seems like not everyone uses this site in this way
#internet diary archive#even if i don't agree or i notice unlearned bigotry in the expression of the experience.#that was still an experience that someone in a community had#i think i started being able to do this when i learned how to set boundaries in an adult way#someone else's racism can't infect me like a virus. and a limited tolerance for bias can at times help me teach others#and when i am not in the position to teach others then refraining from reinforcing the bias in fact helps others move past their biases#so many tumblr users are obsessed with forcing another to change their mind. and that isn't like ethical or moral per se#it's not right to force it. in fact it's often harmful to try to rewrite someone's biases in a hostile setting#as much as it sucks we can only distribute information and preach kindness and refuse to interact with harmful individuals#we got stuck somewhere with the idea that it's necessary and possible to educate someone who is biased enough to not accept it#and that simply isn't the case and it is significantly more powerful to exclude harmful individuals until they demonstrate that they are#ready to learn and accept responsibility for their own harmful actions and commit themselves to learning respectful behavior#having a community external from abusive parties is so necessary and helpful and it means none of us have to wait until something changes#it's rly hard seeing transfems and intersex folks fighting because usually the hostile party is demonstrating white supremacist ideology#and that isn't unique to any specific group that's just that dogshit rhetoric that got propaganda'd into a brain. nobody is immune#but fascist and white supremacist ideology so often gets ignored in favor of calling out someone's identity. which does not help#i think large swaths of activists are trying to do good and they don't realize that by singling out a victim based on identity then they are#inhibiting and detracting from that person's ability to unlearn the bias they displayed which caused the attack on their identity#idk strawmanning or ad homeniming or no true scotsmaning basically negatively reinforces contact with peers who would otherwise be resources#if we really want to teach others using the tumblr method then we really just have to stop name calling and identity carding#but i suppose i am preaching this t the site which has new teenagers joining daily and which assumes the majority is correct unconditionally#.txt
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